I like to throw a serious post in every once in awhile just to keep you all on your toes. Plus, I like to use this blog as a journal, and things aren’t always peachy and smelling of roses in anyone’s life. No matter what they tell you!
One of my biggest complaints in my previous position was the feeling that there was a lack of confidence in what I was telling other management. Interestingly, though, I always felt very confident in what I was saying. I feel that I knew a lot about the job that I was doing and could speak intelligently about areas that were way outside my realm of education or personal experience. I was proud of that. But, I was not proud of the way I felt when my comments were not taken seriously. It was a big struggle for me, and I often left work feeling defeated in many ways.
In my current job, my position is one of a kind. There is no one else doing the work that I do and only a couple (maybe 2??? Out of 600???) that have any experience in external funding. So, there is a lot of need for my responses to be well educated, firm and leave little room for error. There are no checks & balances per se – or at least very few of them. I don’t know what it is, but I have a hard time speaking intelligently often. I feel a strong lack of self confidence in what I am saying and it definitely shows through in my presentation of information to my superiors. I feel judged and doubted, but I believe that is an intrinsic feeling, not something I’m getting back from those that I am talking to. Although, this is causing a problem. You see, when you don’t trust yourself, others also begin to doubt you.
So, here I am. I’m struggling with having to take firm, decisive action. My self confidence isn’t where it should be and people are questioning my decisions. Now, I don’t want to alarm anyone – they aren’t questioning my decisions because I made an error or am at risk of losing my job or being demoted. I believe they are being questioned because I don’t appear to be strong in my response.
My lack of self confidence is coming from many places, I’m sure. First, I know very little about this industry and I work with some highly intelligent passionate people. Second, I’m not used to being a strong female in front of so many men. Third, I honestly feel that the issues I had in my previous job have led me to lose some of normal confidence. So, what am I going to do about this? Can’t just quit. I love my job and the people I work with. I especially love the new industry and am thrilled to have the chance to learn. Plus, I have a real chance to shine here and can make my mark – this isn’t something I’ve ever felt before in a previous job.
So, here is my plan. Because, you can’t just complain – you have to think of a way to fix the problem.
1. Work on my verbal communication. I struggle with not being concise and firm. This has to stop.
2. Give myself a pat on the back. I need to know that I probably won’t get much of this in this male dominated field. Plus, I recognize my accomplishments more than anyone else. And, it is important to congratulate ourselves. Afterall, we should do a good job for ourselves first.
3. Not take things so seriously. I’m not going to lie, I’m intimidated. I’m working with men who are millionaires off of this business. They could take one look at me and tell me to leave the building and I would haven’t a job. Plus, they are so smart – and hardworking! I could never pull something over them – even I wanted to, and I don’t.
This Saturday’s Recipes by The Pioneer Woman
5 years ago
I can totally relate, particularly at my experience with my last company. No one had a clue what I did there (the head of HR introduced me as the company architect once)- I'm not exaggerating when I say not even my boss had a clue. To make things worse, I have always been the younger one working with a bunch of seasoned older men. Contractors and architects that work for me have been in the business for 20 years longer than me, so it's hard sometimes for them to take me seriously.
ReplyDeleteYou are right that in an industry of males, you won't get a lot of atta-boys. It's something I've always been used to. Funny how I can't figure out that in my own home when it comes to my husband (duh!) but I'm used to it in work. But I will say that when it comes to working in a male-dominated industry that although they may question you to your face, when it comes to protecting you or presenting you outside the group, they often become fiercely loyal and protective. That's when you'll get your praise - not to your face but in overhearing their communication with others.
The years of experience is also a constant battle. How do I criticize what a project manager is doing when he's been in the construction industry 20 years longer than me and seen it all before? It's getting easier as I age I guess (one benefit of getting older?). But what I find is that I have to remember that I'm an expert in my own right, just like he is in his realm. When you start to view it more as a give and take of expertise (you'll teach them what you know and they will teach you what they know) you both will learn so much more and have so much more respect for each other.
Of course I sound like I have it all figured out. It makes sense in my head, but I don't always remember that in a meeting where I'm embarrassed to ask what may be a stupid question. But I find if I remind myself that I'm good at what I do, and the person I'm asking just has different knowledge that they can share, it becomes much easier to deal with. Hope that helps. :)